Post 3.4 - The Forest for the Trees

I've been receiving feedback for more nuts-and-bolts oriented posts regarding sex.

So let's start with the nuts. To shave or not to shave?

Body hair can be attractive in the right places, and some people really do need to consider maintenance for some areas. For decades - even centuries, perhaps - women have shaved their legs and their armpits. I have found, however, that different women interpret what these mean very differently. The same is true for men and the areas from which they wish to remove or simply trim hair.

And there are whole industries around this - from shaving equipment to waxing to depilatories.

Speaking for myself, I have used several options for several areas. I don't have an enormous amount of body hair as it is, so it's never been a huge issue for me. Any removal I've done has been as an experiment or at the request of a partner - but other than that, I've let nature do its thing. And when I have done those experiments, it hasn't always been a positive experience.

Hair itches when it grows back - especially in areas that get... moist. And depilatories can burn. So ouch. I am told these things get better once repeated over time, but I am not big on discomfort.

And for me, I feel like some places are supposed to have hair if you're an adult. Definitely between your legs. Not a big fan of a hairy back, though. Especially on a woman.

Not to cop out, but at the end of the day, it's all about what you feel comfortable with and what your partner probably prefers. There is no wrong answer, but the important thing to remember, I believe, is how important hygiene is for those areas that have hair. Sweat or musk in various areas creates odor if not washed adequately (and I won't get into scents and such right now, as people have preferences in these areas, too), and hair lets these normal body secretions just kind of sit there without evaporating quickly.

So to keep things fun, here are my preferences - which you should only worry about if you plan to let me see these various areas of your body and/or sleep with you, as they only apply to me. These are also based on my experiences and what I have encountered, both expectedly and unexpectedly.


  1. Shave your armpits. Maybe it's earthy, maybe it's natural, but a woman raising her hand to wave and revealing a bush is just freaky.
  2. Shave your legs. It may be "oppressive" or something, but tree trunks are not sexy.
  3. Shave your pelvis. Now, what I mean here is that you should leave behind a V or a landing strip or whatever you want to call it, but leaving hair all the way across to your hips or on your upper thighs is a little too bushy for this bushman. As for the V, trimmed is nice - but DON'T shave it. You're an adult, you're supposed to have that hair.
  4. The rest is up to you, although I'd recommend getting rid of any unexpected mustache, chest hair, or back hair. I also recommend ensuring that you have two eyebrows rather than one continuous one.
  1. Shave your back. Please. Not everyone needs to do this, but you know who you are if you do. You should not look like you're wearing a sweater when you're not even wearing a shirt.
  2. Don't shave your nuts, your pubis, or anywhere else related to the region. Again, I think you're supposed to have hair there. However, if you feel like you are overly thick with hair, the hair is overly long, or you are looking for that all-important "visual inch", then trim it. I can appreciate tidy, I can't appreciate bare.
  3. Don't shave your legs, chest or armpits unless you're a bodybuilder.
  4. Asses are interesting. I think a bare ass can be sexy, but so can one with a light coating of hair - it just depends on the ass. So I'll leave that up to you.
  5. Trim your eyebrows, your ear hair, and any other truly errant hair with a mind of its own.
Is short, having to say "thpt" at some point because you have a hair in your mouth is basically, to quote Dan Savage, the cost of admission to having sex at all, so it isn't as big a deal as some people make it - and I have known some people truly fixated on pelvic grooming in particular. Just relax.

If someone got your pants off and can't handle what they found there, they aren't worth being down there in the first place - and there will always be someone into whatever weird thing you think you have.

Have a question or a suggestion for a future topic? E-mail me at


  1. I wish everyone would shave their armpits, I think sweaty armpit hair is unpleasant to look at whether male or female

  2. Ummm, I just want to say this post is so right on. I don't understand why some people get obsessed with body hair. Do what works for you and keep it hygenic (sp?). I for one have made my peace with a simple V, after a hilarious and then really uncomfortable Brazilian waxing episode. I looked down and said "You know what there is hair there for a reason! I don't care how many women in porn are stripping it all off, if my man doesn't like it he can leave." For some reason, I felt like I was having a feminist moment but really I was just accepting me. Which let's face it, is pretty great! :)


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Post 4.13 - Tumbling Down

On Dogma

On Foreign Affairs, Part One