Post 3.6 - 1 guy, 20 questions

Publishing a few hours early.

In 2009, MTV Canada began airing a 30-minute program called 1 girl 5 gays (US site link). Initially, it was in the form of a free-flowing discussion based upon selected viewer questions. By episode 8, they moved to a format of 20 questions about love and sex, asked to the 5-man group of 20-something panelists and moderated by show host Aliya-Jasmine Sovani. In 2010, MTV Canada's sister channel, Logo, began airing episodes in the US. Currently, new episodes air in Canada on Fridays at 11pm Eastern, and in the US on Mondays at 11pm Eastern (Logo also airs older episodes each night, except Fridays). The new US episodes are about 10-12 weeks behind the Canadian episodes, except for special occasions, like the recent appearance of Jonathan D. Lovitz of Logo's Setup Squad on the panel.

The concept behind the show is to give viewers a fly-on-the-wall participation in conversations that we might have or have had with our friends about any variety of topics, including sex, love, pop culture, and just getting around in the world. Sort of a truth-or-dare versus a game of "I Never". And while marketed toward the gay audience, it has a large following among heterosexuals, also -- most notably among teens. It has served to inform, to entertain, and most importantly, to teach those who didn't already know that LGBTQ people are just like everyone else (i.e., heterosexuals) in their pursuits of love, happiness, and success.

I'm no longer a 20-something, but I can still relate to the majority of the questions. And whether intentional or not, the rotating panel has represented archetypes -- we can all recognize parts of ourselves in each of these young men, and even Aliya-Jasmine. I also want to take a moment to thank the guys for their openness to their fans -- I've interacted with several via Facebook and Twitter, and they have been nothing but friendly and warm.

One of the things that crosses my mind as I watch is how someone of a different age might answer some of the same questions. And while some questions are clearly LGBTQ-oriented, there is a universality in the majority of what is asked, despite the variances there might be in the answers.

So, having said all of this, I have taken 18 questions from a recent episode, along with 2 others from other episodes to come to a total of 20. I've taken out questions that required me to draw, basically. :-P This will give you an idea about what goes on during the program in the way of questions and answers, as well as give you a little insight into me.

Have you ever turned down a threesome?

Um, no. Well, maybe. I think once. Maybe twice? They don't come up that often that I am faced with the problem of having to turn them down. :-P

 

Is there an establishment that knows your order without you having to ask for it?

For some reason, I am intensely memorable to a lot of my local stores, so yes. I'd have to say Starbuck's -- treinta shaken black iced tea with two Splenda.

Name a person whose touch puts you at ease.

I don't really like to be touched. I know that sounds weird. It takes a lot for me to even just hug someone these days. I'd have to say my most recent ex, if anybody.

What would be found in your most recent Google search?

"Ethelric Weld". I discovered that one of the links to my blog was a search on this term as I mentioned him in a previous post, so I searched him myself.

Has a rumor ever been started about you?

Oh, of course. Most were utterly false.

What are you afraid of losing?

My dog. I have a lot of dreams where someone is trying to dognap him.

Have you ever been told you were bad in bed? 

Not directly, no. I did hear once from a then-current girlfriend who was a friend of past girlfriend who happened to be unhappy with my performance, but my then-current girlfriend couldn't believe it. :-P And the reason really was that I felt completely differently about the two of them, even if I slept with them both.

Who would you do - Julia Roberts or Sandra Bullock?

Sandra Bullock is more my type. And I think she's gorgeous. But as a brunette, not a blonde.

Have you ever been with someone who has overstated their orgasm?

Um... no. I don't think so. I did have one partner who flipped about like a fish out of water, but it wasn't an overstated flipping. :-P

Do you have a set of questions you ask on a first date?

I don't think I do. I know I tend to ask about family, but I tend to know my dates before we go out, so I already know certain things about them or who they know or whatever that we have things to talk about.

How do you grieve?

I am most likely to avoid the situation. I don't grieve well, I don't like death rituals (funerals) because they are just too overwhelming for me because I'm too empathetic. With some deaths, I find myself to be terribly angry rather than sad, which I know is a stage of grief, but I don't know that I go through all the stages when all is said and done.

Of your friends, whose life would make the best reality show?

My friend Jason in Scottsdale, Arizona. He teaches sign language at a local college, travels extensively, speaks and signs multiple languages, and is deaf. He shares a lot about his experiences through his blogging and with photos, but I think it would be fascinating and enormously entertaining to see his life as a reality show.

He's very cool.

Could you have a romantic relationship with a transsexual?

To clarify, a transsexual is a person who self-identifies as the opposite gender to which they were born. They may or may not have had reassignment surgery to make the physical change.

Logically, I'd say yes - my sense of attraction and sexuality comes from a place of being about a person rather than gender identity or even gendered equipment. However, emotionally, I couldn't be sure.

I have to admit, for most of my life, I have found transvestites/drag queens/kings to make me intensely uncomfortable. I like men to be men and women to be women, even if their behaviors may blur the lines. Even RuPaul. But it's become easier and I'm not sure why. I credit "Eda Bagel" and "Black Britney" for helping to change my view, as they are truly stunning when they appear, as well as funny, smart, and talented -- I don't think about what may really be going on underneath the clothes. I find myself accepting whatever I see in front of me.

But this is still a different situation than expecting one thing and finding another, or how I would feel about it if I were confronted with the situation. I have known only one transsexual personally, and she was a very nice person -- but I don't think it could have gone further. I just wasn't attracted.

Who would you do - Freddy Mercury or Kurt Cobain? 

Kurt Cobain. Both because we were contemporaries when he was alive, and because I just thought he was amazing on so many levels. Oh, and I thought he was hot. :-P

Of course, given that both Freddy and Kurt are now long deceased, they'd both be a bit... gamy.

If you're expecting guests, what item are you sure to hide? 

I don't think there is anything. I mean, I like things to be as neat and tidy as possible, but there is nothing I can think of that I feel a need to hide.

Where is the strangest place you've met a romantic partner?

I once met a future date while on another date with someone else. That might have been the weirdest situation. I didn't do anything inappropriate, but we did exchange numbers while my date was in the restroom.

It's a long story - but I absolutely did the right thing and have no regrets, and my second date was way better than my first one.

If you were a fairy tale, what fairy tale would they be?

I think Beauty and the Beast.

To whom do you owe an apology?

Oh geez. Probably a lot of people.

The person that stands out the most in my mind, who I think about most often, is someone I knew from the ages of 11 to 18. We had four or more classes together every year during this time period. I don't know that I was ever mean to him or anything - I always considered him a friend - but I never made any great effort to get to know him better than I did. Not in seven years. Sometimes that happens, and I know that - we all gravitate toward people for different reasons and at different times, but I have always felt that I owed him something more than what effort I gave him. He had other close friends and I doubt he even noticed what I was doing, but it is something I think about and wish I could change.

Who was the last person that impressed you?

My sister. My sister just rocks.

How do you feel about people who settle down with their first sexual partner?

In this day and age - well, my whole life as a time period, really - I think it's a little sad. I think there are some couples that are "meant to be", perhaps, but I think there is always a nagging sense of what else might be out there. I think this is reflected in the number of people who wait to marry until later 20s or early 30s, so they have the chance to experience more and grow as people in terms of their own confidence and knowledge.

I mean, I don't think it's necessary to be a slut to learn the ways of the world - not at all. But I think there is definitely a sense of security in play, that this one person who gave you sexual access might be the only person who would, or who will ever love you, or what-have-you. And if you do settle down with that one person and they are not open to, let's say, creativity, you are really kind of stuck. Similarly, if you are not with someone who demands that creativity and openness to change and evolution, you don't grow either.

For myself, I'm glad I didn't settle down that way, even if there are relationships I wish never happened -- but it's also true that I wish that many of my non-sexual relationships didn't happen. I guess all of life is about learning, and from diversity of experience comes those lessons. If you prematurely limit yourself, I wonder how much experience or knowledge or understanding is truly possible.

UPDATE: Many thanks to Jonathan Nathaniel of 1 girl 5 gays for his shoutout on Facebook and Twitter about today's article. And kisses to Black Britney, too. :-D


Have a question or a suggestion for a future topic? E-mail me at facetsblog@gmail.com.