Facets of Our Lives

No, this post about dogs. Sex is discussed on Wednesdays. We have three dogs. Two of the dogs weigh more than 50 pounds, but our third dog, the youngest at age 10, is a 15-pound terrier mix named Buddy. We adopted Buddy at age 7, and he was specifically selected by my mother because he was a senior and because of his size, which she believed would make him manageable. But Buddy has problems. As a small dog, Buddy was raised to believe that everything he did was cute - jumping, barking, creatively tearing things apart, begging for food, and he has no idea how to walk on a leash without pulling, since he could never overwhelm a human. By contrast, our larger dogs have been specifically trained not to jump, not to get into things, how to walk on a leash, etc., because they are large enough that without training, we'd have difficulty. But the problem that many dog owners do not understand is that little dogs are simply big dogs in small packages. When Buddy behaves himself, he...

Given the uniqueness of my own personality, the bullying I've endured, and just the androgynous nature of my behavior, I believe I've learned to be very open to the diversity of other people. I grew up surrounded by accented English thanks to the immigrant communities in which I lived, so I think I was used to people being different in a variety of ways. My mother likes to tell me the story of when I was 3 or so, and I encountered a toddler with a severe stutter. She tells me I never reacted to it, other than to listen intently until the child got his words out and then respond as if nothing was amiss. She likes to tell me stories like that. I think people are, to paraphrase Gaga, born with certain traits, and accepting them as who they are is a sign of affection to those who are friends and respect to those who are strangers. But then I think of the children being raised by David Stocker and Kathy Witterick in Toronto, Ontario, and I wonder what they are in for. If you ar...

I have been trying to identify political topics to discuss for this blog, and I have been enormously discouraged and depressed about what I have found. It isn't just a question of my own personal politics, but the patterns that have emerged from our government and the electorate. The facts are out there, if you can find anyone willing to report them on a larger scale; but even if people are presented with incontrovertible evidence, they continue to vote for the same candidates who successfully manipulate them, usually by pandering to a "hot" issue or worse, simply lying. And no matter how bad things get, people still don't get the message. Obama may have beaten McCain in 2008, but he should have won by a much wider margin, if anyone was paying attention. And the only conclusion I can come to -- as much as I hate to say it, or some might find it cliché -- the electorate is stupid . The men who designed our government were concerned about this, also, but because the...

One of the reasons I try to cook for myself and my family from scratch comes from something I noted recently when shopping for groceries. In an effort to buy mass-produced items labeled as fat-free or low-fat, sugar-free or otherwise reduced in calories, reduced or salt-free, etc., I spent significantly more money than if I had purchased the regular version of things. This is not only tragic, but insulting to consumers. It's no wonder we have the problem with obesity and overall health that we do in the US. So my solution was to buy the raw ingredients. As my cardiologist told me, "if God didn't make it, you shouldn't eat it." Now this is not without its problems, either. Before the economy fell apart, I admit I didn't pay much attention -- I would just buy what I wanted when I wanted it. If I felt like making a particular type of vegetable that cost US$5 a pound, I didn't bat an eye. But the solution is not only simple, it can be beneficial. This ...

There has been an ongoing debate, especially during the Bush Administration, regarding sex education with respect to whether it should be offered in the public schools and what it should cover. At this point, there seems to be less controversy over the former, as a majority have accepted that it has a place in the curriculum for at least some students. The primary battles have been over abstinence, sexual orientation, and safe sex/contraception. I was a teenager in the 1980s, going to high school in New Jersey. HIV/AIDS had hit by 1982, so during the time I was in high school, venereal diseases were an entirely different level of concern than they are even now. AIDS was not effectively treatable at that time, even if the more common afflictions of gonorrhea and syphilis might be. Even with this wrinkle, I feel I had a very progressively oriented sex education curriculum for the time period. We did discuss the basics of reproduction and sexual health, but much of the content of ...

My godmother had a birthday last week, turning 65 years old. As she's gotten older, my mother has begun to be more conscious of people dying. My godmother is fine, of course, but my mother was worried that she would not be notified if something were to have happened. Despite having been friends for nearly 50 years, there aren't many people left who would know to call my mother if my godmother passed away. But this is not a problem unique to the older set. Thanks to the internet, I was able to reconnect with someone I'd not spoken to, at that point, in 15 years. In catching up, I learned that he had almost died a few years before. Aside from being relieved that he had survived, I realized how devastated I would have been if I had not re-established contact in time. And unless I now specifically directed him to make some sort of arrangement, I might not find out if something happened to him even now. We are all connected yet disconnected. Not to be morose, but if I we...

It seems that every day I go onto a news website -- even Facebook, for that matter -- there is a story about animal cruelty. And don't even get me started on those commercials with Wendy Malick and Sarah McLachlan. And the stories are nothing short of horrifying. I have read about puppies being burned alive, animals neglected and beaten, and even one story about decapitation. Sadly, the penalties in most US jurisdictions are virtually non-existent, yet experts agree that perpetrators likely have serious emotional or psychological problems. Beyond donating to the local and national charities that work on these issues, it is important that animal lovers of all stripes get involved by engaging their representatives. In 2010, public outcry in North Carolina led to " Susie's Law ", which increased the penalties for animal cruelty (defined as "malicious abuse, torture, or killing") to a maximum 10-month jail sentence. The law was named for a now 1-year-old pit...

On Sunday evening, I watched a program that included a 15-minute story about polyamory. In this specific example, it was one woman accompanied by her two male partners, and all three co-habitated. Male #2 also dated additional people outside of this unusual family, and was the biological father to the group's son. It became a little convoluted for my taste, but if they were happy and well-adjusted with it, who am I to say? Polyamory is generally defined as having multiple romantic/sexual partners with the knowledge and consent of all involved. At least, that was how this program defined it. I have seen wide variations in the expression of polyamory in my own experience: Typically, I have observed one individual in the group who is decidedly polyamorous, while the others are monogamous to him/her (despite having permission to be otherwise) and view their co-partners like sister wives or brother husbands. In other couples, they have what is considered an "open" rel...

I was listening to the Leslie Marshall Show online last week, and the guest was a representative of the families of the 9/11 victims. The discussion surrounded our current situation in Afghanistan, and whether American troops should still be there now that Osama bin Laden is dead. The premise was that our goal of taking out our enemy had been accomplished. The guest also felt that our involvement in Afghanistan was primarily to support the military-industrial complex and specific military contractors, rather than achieve a more altruistic or emotional goal. While I agree that the Bush Administration tricked us into Iraq and squandered the planetary goodwill we enjoyed following 9/11, Afghanistan was a very specific and special situation. The American media did not pay much attention to Afghanistan prior to 2001. The Taliban had come to power around 1995, and I was living in Europe at that time. There were already deep concerns as to how women were being treated, as well as the lac...

It's hard to get excited about a hot lunch in the summertime. It's just too damned hot, and we don't want to heat up our kitchens and tax our already burdened air conditioners. Especially in Arizona. So, here is my easy tuna salad recipe. I've been told it is similar to a Waldorf Salad, so be it. I don't think so myself. I just know I love it with fresh lettuce and tomato, and even better on a wrap. :-) Summer Tuna Salad 1 can of tuna, drained, and well-separated 1/4 cup of chopped celery 1/4 cup of chopped scallions 1 small apple, cored, and sliced into small cubes 1/4 cup of chopped walnuts 2 tbsp mayonnaise pepper to taste Blend all ingredients in a large bowl. Spoon onto your choice of bread or into a wrap. Lettuce and tomato recommended. Have a suggestion or a question for a future topic? E-mail me at facetsblog@gmail.com .

Publishing early this week -- Enjoy your Friday and the weekend! High school reunions. These periodic events are a chance for people to reminisce, reconnect, and even renew. The majority of people I know do not attend their reunions, whether they be 10-year, 20-year, or more. I didn't go to mine. I am not saying there is anything wrong if you are someone who does go and/or looks forward to these things. I am just not among this group. I am curious as to what people look like now, what they've done with their lives, and that sort of thing, but not enough to set aside time to go. My 20-year reunion conflicted with a professional event I was chairing, so I had a reasonable excuse -- but even without an excuse, I'd probably not have attended. I've always said that if there was anyone from high school I wanted to stay in touch with, I would. And I have. It doesn't mean that I don't care about other friends I had or anything like that, but we're adults now ...

Roughly 75% of the US population lives east of the Mississippi River. This portion of the country, on the whole, is wetter, greener, and at a lower elevation than the western portion of the continental states. Just like humans, our pets are susceptible to different kinds of illnesses that are specific to region. For example, when I lived in the Northeast, the population of wild deer resulted in a large population of deer ticks , and some form of preventative measure was a monthly ritual to protect the dogs. Here in the Southwest, we have deer in the higher, mountainous elevations, but not in the desert, where I live -- so this ritual became almost immediately unnecessary. One of the unique pet maladies for my region of Arizona is a condition called "Valley Fever", also called "California Disease", "Desert Rheumatism", or its official name Coccidioidomycosis . This is also one of those unique diseases that also impacts humans. It is not curable, which m...

Two days ago, Representative Anthony Weiner of New York admitted that he had sent "inappropriate" photos of himself to a female college student in Washington state over Twitter . I am not sure why we're all surprised by this, nor am I sure why the United States or the American media are apoplectic over this. Millions of people -- literally millions -- have sent some form of risqué image of themselves to other people. Every new technology has been sexualized whenever possible, especially over the last two centuries. Pornographic photography is as old as photography itself, and once cameras became cheap enough to be available to the masses, people sent self-images to the objects of their sexual affection. The internet is just faster and a lot less private. But I can't get upset at little (or not so little) Anthony for being as human as the rest of us. "But he's a married man!" Do you think he is the first married man to do this? He's not even t...

One of the things I miss about living in the New York media market are stations like 1010 WINS. The Phoenix market has no such station. The closest we get is KTAR 92.3 FM, which is euphemistically publicized as "news talk"; it is primarily conservative talking heads, but they do have local weather and traffic. I went out to grab some lunch last week and was flipping through the stations when I found myself listening to Glenn Beck, formerly of Faux Fox News. His guest for those few minutes was a conservative writer who claimed to have been unofficially blackballed in Hollywood due to his conservative political views. Apparently, he had written a series pilot, secured representation, and then was dropped by that representation for being an unsellable quantity, again, due to his conservative political views. The interview continued and included a soundbite from Marc Cherry, the creator of Desperate Housewives , as he discussed the inclusion of gay neighbors on Wisteria Lane a...

I love breakfast food. My favorite places to eat in my late teens and early 20s were diners and other restaurants that served breakfast 24 hours. A good cheese and vegetable omelette is among my favorite meals. At a previous job, we had a full service cafeteria that would prepare omelettes made-to-order, including egg-white omelettes. It was always a nice way to start the day, if you could find time to get down there early enough. In our daily lives, we tend to cut corners with breakfast because there simply isn't time, especially if parents are working. We try, but it's difficult to offer too much variety in the short amount of time we have to get ourselves ready, get the kids ready, and get everyone out the door on time. This week's recipe is for a breakfast casserole which, as written, serves 8. However, you can prepare it the night before and pop it in the oven in the morning. You can also prepare it in advance and divide it into portions, storing them in the freeze...

I debated whether I would write this article. I have been inspired by the actions of Dan Savage and his husband-in-Canada/boyfriend-in-the-US, Terry Miller. I find myself wanting to speak up every time I hear either of them speak about the It Gets Better Project . I feel the tears come when Dan talks about the bullying his brother suffered, and his brother replying that at least he had the support of their parents, while Dan had to suffer alone. What is bullying? This is a question that has bothered me of late. It is very difficult to define. Is it harassment? Is it a demonstration of free speech? Is it an assault, or does it depend on the emotions of the recipient? When does it cross the line from teasing to bullying? The thing about bullying is that we all know it if we see it or are ourselves the target. It's about humiliation. It's about making another person feel that they are not only less important, but less of a person. It can be verbal, social, physical, or in this...

Until recently, I worked from home. This meant that I had a lot of teleconferences and phone calls that I couldn't interrupt to give commands to my dog. I am also hearing impaired; while I do not sign in any way fluently or require it for my human interactions, it was very easy to incorporate a gestural shorthand into our dogs' training alongside of spoken commands. This has proved to have many benefits. Silent commands are subtle and often go unnoticed by other humans, so they can be used when you're on the phone, in public, even in a sleeping baby's room. Or at those times when you just don't feel like speaking. Our oldest dog was the first beneficiary of this style of training, as my brother was once an American Sign Language (ASL) interpreter. As she has aged, her hearing has deteriorated considerably. Rather than yelling or trying to find another way to express what we want from her, we've been able to rely on signing to communicate what is needed -- ...

One person's kink is another person's vanilla. I remember a time period when we all compared notes a lot more. I think as we age, we settle into what we like and don't like and we've tried everything we think is worth trying, and some of the more exotic or unusual activities go somewhat by the wayside. This is a function of busy lives, of feeling like there is less need to impress, and just basically not having the time for an extended event. But those were the days, weren't they? I remember in my 20s a lot of talk about doing things that involved ice, combining sensations of hot and cold in key areas (thank you, Kim Basinger). I don't hear so much about that anymore. The latest interesting thing I heard involved an Altoid breath mint in combination with an oral activity. Sounded painful to me, but it was apparently "tingly". Needless to say, this person was a bit younger than me, and I don't think I'll be seeing Altoids incorporated into...