Facets of Our Lives

As I mentioned on Monday , while I still reside in Arizona, I have been working in California. Specifically, I have been working at a site about 30 minutes north of San Francisco. I have spent much of the last several months on site, but in 2013, we are adjusting my schedule so I can divide my time a bit more fairly and effectively between the two states. Since relocating to Arizona in 2005, I have spent most of my time working from home, leaving me outside of typical office politics and human social interaction. It hasn't been all bad - in fact, I have found that it has made my work more productive and efficient. Unfortunately, I am still human, and there is much to like about being around other members of the species. Not the least of this is what I refer to as "eye candy". And oh, is there much to see. Post education, we meet most of our social contacts through our places of employment. Even with all the social media options we have now, there is no substitute ...

I'm 38, I have to rush at this point! I mean, really, I'm playing 'beat the clock' nowadays. :/ Rushing is not necessary. I promise you will have the same ability to get pregnant after 40 that you do now. :-) This was a recent exchange I had with a friend on Facebook. A discussion took place later with a different group of friends regarding ageism. The issue has many facets. First, you have the conversation with my friend above. Despite all of the press about "40 is the new 30" and so forth, people living longer and somewhat healthier lives, and the trend toward establishing stability in one's life before marriage, the belief persists that if you reach 40 and you're not married or otherwise partnered, you're somehow doomed. There is the further psychological implication that you are somehow defective and undesirable for being unable to close the permanent deal by 40. Women are worried about their biological clocks, which is certainly releva...

The internet has changed how friendships work. Through Facebook, other social media, even this blog, I find myself interacting with people I haven't seen, in some cases, in up to 30 years. In other cases, there are people I've never met at all, at least, not in real life. There was a time, when the internet was young, that telling someone you met someone over the internet was a source of embarrassment. Now it's just a matter of course. In my case, there has been a chain of connections, starting with someone I knew, which led to their internet contacts, which in turn led to their internet contacts. Only a small percentage were truly random, out-of-nowhere sorts of connections. I even have business colleagues that I have only ever experienced via e-mail, online chat, and telephone. It's become the nature of the world. So is this intimacy false? Some of the more uncomfortable conversations I have had online have been with old friends. It isn't to say that I am...

June 2011 has been an important month for change in the United States. June is typically "Pride Month", as cities across North America hold their local Pride celebrations, so perhaps it is fitting that there have been so many strides this month in the fight for marriage equality. On Friday, June 24, New York became the sixth state to legalize same-sex marriage. On Wednesday, June 29, Rhode Island became the fifth state to offer same-sex civil unions. The next battles are expected in Minnesota, Maine, and Maryland, and the case against California's Proposition 8, repealing same-sex marriage in that state, continues through the appellate court system, and is expected to go to the U.S. Supreme Court before it is all over. But as of July 24, when New York's law becomes effective, more than 1 in 10 people in the U.S. will be able to enter into a same-sex marriage if they so desire. I support marriage equality from the perspective that we are a secular democratic repu...

On Sunday evening, I watched a program that included a 15-minute story about polyamory. In this specific example, it was one woman accompanied by her two male partners, and all three co-habitated. Male #2 also dated additional people outside of this unusual family, and was the biological father to the group's son. It became a little convoluted for my taste, but if they were happy and well-adjusted with it, who am I to say? Polyamory is generally defined as having multiple romantic/sexual partners with the knowledge and consent of all involved. At least, that was how this program defined it. I have seen wide variations in the expression of polyamory in my own experience: Typically, I have observed one individual in the group who is decidedly polyamorous, while the others are monogamous to him/her (despite having permission to be otherwise) and view their co-partners like sister wives or brother husbands. In other couples, they have what is considered an "open" rel...

Publishing a few hours early. In 2009, MTV Canada began airing a 30-minute program called 1 girl 5 gays   ( US site link ). Initially, it was in the form of a free-flowing discussion based upon selected viewer questions. By episode 8, they moved to a format of 20 questions about love and sex, asked to the 5-man group of 20-something panelists and moderated by show host Aliya-Jasmine Sovani. In 2010, MTV Canada's sister channel, Logo, began airing episodes in the US. Currently, new episodes air in Canada on Fridays at 11pm Eastern, and in the US on Mondays at 11pm Eastern (Logo also airs older episodes each night, except Fridays). The new US episodes are about 10-12 weeks behind the Canadian episodes, except for special occasions, like the recent appearance of Jonathan D. Lovitz of Logo's Setup Squad on the panel. The concept behind the show is to give viewers a fly-on-the-wall participation in conversations that we might have or have had with our friends about any variety ...

You may have heard of something called the Seven Year Itch. It's not just a Marilyn Monroe movie. I am starting to wonder if it hasn't morphed to become a different time length. It may be a function of a midlife crisis, or it may be something else, but I am noticing a pattern. I know a lot of married people who are becoming a lot of separated and divorced people. The problems of each specific couple vary in description, but it comes back to a communication problem that appears to have been ongoing. Issues have been ignored until they can be ignored no longer; the two people have finally accepted that they have differing priorities, or more commonly, they can't live in the restrictive way they've previously accepted. And it's happening in the 15-25 year range, which is what I think really makes it feel strange. One would assume that if you made it that far, you'd figured out how to make things work, despite such differences. Which also makes it all a bit sc...

I've been receiving feedback for more nuts-and-bolts oriented posts regarding sex. So let's start with the nuts. To shave or not to shave? Body hair can be attractive in the right places, and some people really do  need to consider maintenance for some areas. For decades - even centuries, perhaps - women have shaved their legs and their armpits. I have found, however, that different women interpret what these mean very differently. The same is true for men and the areas from which they wish to remove or simply trim hair. And there are whole industries around this - from shaving equipment to waxing to depilatories. Speaking for myself, I have used several options for several areas. I don't have an enormous amount of body hair as it is, so it's never been a huge issue for me. Any removal I've done has been as an experiment or at the request of a partner - but other than that, I've let nature do its thing. And when I have done those experiments, it hasn...

A Facets Reader writes: Food for thought... Though I consider myself to be a heterosexual man, I think that most everyone is *at least* a little bisexual. And I'm sure that 4 out of 5 psychologists would disagree with my simplistic view, but maybe some people think about/consider/fantasize/act upon those thoughts/feelings/desires more than others. But again, I may be over simplifying and there may be more to it than a lingering thought - who knows.   As I've said before, human sexuality, in general, is a complicated thing. The first in-depth, pioneering study was done by Alfred Kinsey, who released his data in 1948 and 1953 for men and women, respectively. The eponymous "Kinsey Scale" is an oft-used descriptor of sexuality, as it clearly illustrates that human sexuality is a continuum. This is also useful for discussing our reader's observation. While there are Kinsey-0s (exclusively heterosexual) and Kinsey-6s (exclusively homosexual), there is a lo...

Ah, threesomes. For some people, this is one of the ultimate sexual fantasies. And most of these people are men. Although admittedly, among my own girlfriends, there was more than one that enjoyed the idea, also. There are pros and cons to threesomes, of course - to any sort of group situation, really. The first and most obvious pro is that there is more to play with, should you have interest in the additional playthings available. This also leads to a con, because you may not have any interest in those additional playthings, and feel like you have to compete for what you want. I have had positive and negative experiences myself, but as in all situations, it depends on the people involved.  When it's right and it's really working, well - I can only speak for myself, of course - but I feel like I completely disappear into the sexual energy. Every part of me feels alive and stimulated and just like I'm a live wire, with this indescribable electricity emanating from my c...

Let me start out by saying I am not a therapist. I have no degree in psychology (although I've considered it). I am not a sexologist. I have just dated a lot and started having sex rather young, so I've seen and done a lot. Everything I say here and going forward in the form of giving advice is my own opinion based on my own experiences and observations, and is not intended to replace other outlets you may have available to you. Having said that, I think one of the reasons we need therapists and sexologists is that we don't really talk to our kids about how to run a relationship, and the US as a whole is sexually dysfunctional with our simultaneous recognition of our (normal) sexual obsession fighting against our Puritan forebears. My intent is to hopefully create an atmosphere where people feel free to discuss, if anonymously, what is going on. It isn't necessarily a sort of one-size-fits-all how-to scenario, because all relationships are still different based on w...