Facets of Our Lives

As I mentioned on Monday , while I still reside in Arizona, I have been working in California. Specifically, I have been working at a site about 30 minutes north of San Francisco. I have spent much of the last several months on site, but in 2013, we are adjusting my schedule so I can divide my time a bit more fairly and effectively between the two states. Since relocating to Arizona in 2005, I have spent most of my time working from home, leaving me outside of typical office politics and human social interaction. It hasn't been all bad - in fact, I have found that it has made my work more productive and efficient. Unfortunately, I am still human, and there is much to like about being around other members of the species. Not the least of this is what I refer to as "eye candy". And oh, is there much to see. Post education, we meet most of our social contacts through our places of employment. Even with all the social media options we have now, there is no substitute ...

There has been an ongoing debate, especially during the Bush Administration, regarding sex education with respect to whether it should be offered in the public schools and what it should cover. At this point, there seems to be less controversy over the former, as a majority have accepted that it has a place in the curriculum for at least some students. The primary battles have been over abstinence, sexual orientation, and safe sex/contraception. I was a teenager in the 1980s, going to high school in New Jersey. HIV/AIDS had hit by 1982, so during the time I was in high school, venereal diseases were an entirely different level of concern than they are even now. AIDS was not effectively treatable at that time, even if the more common afflictions of gonorrhea and syphilis might be. Even with this wrinkle, I feel I had a very progressively oriented sex education curriculum for the time period. We did discuss the basics of reproduction and sexual health, but much of the content of ...

Two days ago, Representative Anthony Weiner of New York admitted that he had sent "inappropriate" photos of himself to a female college student in Washington state over Twitter . I am not sure why we're all surprised by this, nor am I sure why the United States or the American media are apoplectic over this. Millions of people -- literally millions -- have sent some form of risqué image of themselves to other people. Every new technology has been sexualized whenever possible, especially over the last two centuries. Pornographic photography is as old as photography itself, and once cameras became cheap enough to be available to the masses, people sent self-images to the objects of their sexual affection. The internet is just faster and a lot less private. But I can't get upset at little (or not so little) Anthony for being as human as the rest of us. "But he's a married man!" Do you think he is the first married man to do this? He's not even t...

One person's kink is another person's vanilla. I remember a time period when we all compared notes a lot more. I think as we age, we settle into what we like and don't like and we've tried everything we think is worth trying, and some of the more exotic or unusual activities go somewhat by the wayside. This is a function of busy lives, of feeling like there is less need to impress, and just basically not having the time for an extended event. But those were the days, weren't they? I remember in my 20s a lot of talk about doing things that involved ice, combining sensations of hot and cold in key areas (thank you, Kim Basinger). I don't hear so much about that anymore. The latest interesting thing I heard involved an Altoid breath mint in combination with an oral activity. Sounded painful to me, but it was apparently "tingly". Needless to say, this person was a bit younger than me, and I don't think I'll be seeing Altoids incorporated into...

With all the Rapture talk of the last few weeks, we nearly left May behind without talking about the most important holiday season of the year! May is National Masturbation Month ! Well, in the US -- although those of you in Canada, Germany, India, Singapore, Malaysia, and other countries around the world who I know are reading, you are more than welcome to join in the fun. Over the centuries, there have been many misconceptions about self celebration, but in modern times, we've come to know (if you'll pardon the pun) that it is healthy on a number of levels. Now, this is not an area that many people have discussed with me. I mean, there has been some  talk about it in my social groups, but it is still something discussed for humor and embarrassment more than anything else. And that's unfortunate. And interestingly, in the few conversations I've had where people asked for advice or were worried about something, there continue to be gaps in people's knowledge a...

Publishing a few hours early. In 2009, MTV Canada began airing a 30-minute program called 1 girl 5 gays   ( US site link ). Initially, it was in the form of a free-flowing discussion based upon selected viewer questions. By episode 8, they moved to a format of 20 questions about love and sex, asked to the 5-man group of 20-something panelists and moderated by show host Aliya-Jasmine Sovani. In 2010, MTV Canada's sister channel, Logo, began airing episodes in the US. Currently, new episodes air in Canada on Fridays at 11pm Eastern, and in the US on Mondays at 11pm Eastern (Logo also airs older episodes each night, except Fridays). The new US episodes are about 10-12 weeks behind the Canadian episodes, except for special occasions, like the recent appearance of Jonathan D. Lovitz of Logo's Setup Squad on the panel. The concept behind the show is to give viewers a fly-on-the-wall participation in conversations that we might have or have had with our friends about any variety ...

I've been receiving feedback for more nuts-and-bolts oriented posts regarding sex. So let's start with the nuts. To shave or not to shave? Body hair can be attractive in the right places, and some people really do  need to consider maintenance for some areas. For decades - even centuries, perhaps - women have shaved their legs and their armpits. I have found, however, that different women interpret what these mean very differently. The same is true for men and the areas from which they wish to remove or simply trim hair. And there are whole industries around this - from shaving equipment to waxing to depilatories. Speaking for myself, I have used several options for several areas. I don't have an enormous amount of body hair as it is, so it's never been a huge issue for me. Any removal I've done has been as an experiment or at the request of a partner - but other than that, I've let nature do its thing. And when I have done those experiments, it hasn...

A Facets Reader writes: Food for thought... Though I consider myself to be a heterosexual man, I think that most everyone is *at least* a little bisexual. And I'm sure that 4 out of 5 psychologists would disagree with my simplistic view, but maybe some people think about/consider/fantasize/act upon those thoughts/feelings/desires more than others. But again, I may be over simplifying and there may be more to it than a lingering thought - who knows.   As I've said before, human sexuality, in general, is a complicated thing. The first in-depth, pioneering study was done by Alfred Kinsey, who released his data in 1948 and 1953 for men and women, respectively. The eponymous "Kinsey Scale" is an oft-used descriptor of sexuality, as it clearly illustrates that human sexuality is a continuum. This is also useful for discussing our reader's observation. While there are Kinsey-0s (exclusively heterosexual) and Kinsey-6s (exclusively homosexual), there is a lo...

Ah, threesomes. For some people, this is one of the ultimate sexual fantasies. And most of these people are men. Although admittedly, among my own girlfriends, there was more than one that enjoyed the idea, also. There are pros and cons to threesomes, of course - to any sort of group situation, really. The first and most obvious pro is that there is more to play with, should you have interest in the additional playthings available. This also leads to a con, because you may not have any interest in those additional playthings, and feel like you have to compete for what you want. I have had positive and negative experiences myself, but as in all situations, it depends on the people involved.  When it's right and it's really working, well - I can only speak for myself, of course - but I feel like I completely disappear into the sexual energy. Every part of me feels alive and stimulated and just like I'm a live wire, with this indescribable electricity emanating from my c...

Let me start out by saying I am not a therapist. I have no degree in psychology (although I've considered it). I am not a sexologist. I have just dated a lot and started having sex rather young, so I've seen and done a lot. Everything I say here and going forward in the form of giving advice is my own opinion based on my own experiences and observations, and is not intended to replace other outlets you may have available to you. Having said that, I think one of the reasons we need therapists and sexologists is that we don't really talk to our kids about how to run a relationship, and the US as a whole is sexually dysfunctional with our simultaneous recognition of our (normal) sexual obsession fighting against our Puritan forebears. My intent is to hopefully create an atmosphere where people feel free to discuss, if anonymously, what is going on. It isn't necessarily a sort of one-size-fits-all how-to scenario, because all relationships are still different based on w...